my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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