hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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