So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
how drunk are you?
Several
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
