So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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