I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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