I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
