Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
