Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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