I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
