YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
