3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
