dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
