Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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