i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
