I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
