I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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