Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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