At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
