Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
