I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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