My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
