I hope mine doesn't look like that
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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