he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
