if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
