guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
