i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
