Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
