Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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