I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
they need to just BURY HIM!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
