It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
