Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
