saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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