you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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