I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
