I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We got so high we made milksteak
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
