You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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