when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
