I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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