But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
