my room smells like sperm. sweet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
