I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
