You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
