the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We talked him into tasing himself.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
