I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
