Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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