But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
