My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
