Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
