Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
