Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
