'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize