Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
