i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
