I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize