Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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