so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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