It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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