what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
