Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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