I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
