Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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