His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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