But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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