That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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