My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
