Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
