Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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